I Thought…

You are never alone. Thoughts are always with you. They are present every moment. They can take you light years away. A ticket-less travel into the past and the future.

Over years, what I have realised is that thoughts ruin your present.

It sounds strange at first. After all, thoughts feel natural. They feel like you. But if you observe closely, they are constantly pulling you away—from what is happening right now—into what has already happened or what might happen.

“Can you sit down at a place for 5 minutes completely without thoughts?”, I usually ask.

Many can’t.

“Why? It’s such an easy task, isn’t it?”, they think.

But that itself is a thought.

That is where it becomes interesting. The very attempt to stop thinking turns into thinking. The mind doesn’t stop—it simply changes direction.

Regrets, memories, fears, pride, jealousy, disgust, cravings, aspirations—the mind just cannot be empty.

We often believe we are in control of our thoughts. But try this simple exercise—sit still for five minutes and do nothing. No phone, no music, no distractions.

Just sit.

And watch.

Within seconds, something will appear. A memory. A worry. A random idea. A plan. Something you forgot to do. Something you wish you had done differently.

The flow doesn’t stop.

And that is when you realise—thoughts are always there. Not invited, not controlled, just present.

They travel freely. They take you from past to future without effort. But in doing so, they quietly take away your present.

So what do we do?

Do we fight thoughts? Do we try to shut them down?

That doesn’t work.

Cultivating the mind to empty it is meditation.

Why I Rejected H1B Visa 3 Times?

In my 22-year long IT career, I was offered the chance to file a US work visa three times — three opportunities to move abroad, build a different life, experience something new. And every single time, I lacked the courage to go for it. I asked myself again and again, Was I homesick? Was I too attached to my parents? Was I just not interested in adopting a new part of the earth — the culture, the lifestyle, the environment? I introspected a lot. I tried to convince myself, rationalize the reasons, and for many years I stumbled through explanations that now feel irrelevant to me today.

One day at work, I unexpectedly met my own self in someone else. I met a colleague named Ashish, whom I worked with at Zensar in 2015. He was the one who had opted for the H-1B visa and lived in the United States for a few years. He lived the life I had always hesitated over. He shared stories of the Grand Canyon, trips to National Parks, snow with his wife and kids — experiences most people dream of. But when I asked him about regrets in moving to the US, he fell silent for a moment. 

Then he said, “It was the biggest mistake of my life, Neeraj!”. I was taken aback. 

I responded with a smirk, “You lucky chap!”, but his next words made me pause. 

“I was unable to attend my father’s funeral,” he said, his voice heavy, a tear leaving his eyes. That was just the beginning of his story. I began to understand what he had missed — not the places, not the experiences, but the moments that truly mattered, the moments no visa could bring back.

Meeting Ashish gave me clarity. In his experiences, I found the answer I had been seeking. I realized that every time I declined the visa, I wasn’t running away from opportunity — I was staying rooted in something deep, something real. During my career, I did have a few short business trips to Chicago and San Francisco, but those visits didn’t make me feel like I was missing out. Instead, they affirmed my decision. I found myself asking a different question: What is it that we don’t have in the USA that we have here in India? And the answer was simple. Material things — lifestyle, international cuisines, malls, brands, cars — we already have them in Indian cities. But what truly matters isn’t material. Here, you are not a migrant. You can smell the earth when the monsoon begins with the same old nostalgia. You have relationships deeply connected to your heart, bonds that transcend time and distance, your land, your soil, and even your problems.

Those were the things that kept me from obtaining a US visa. But now, in 2026, I don’t feel the same way I did before. Times have changed, and I realize that relationships aren’t something that should stop someone from settling abroad. Parents visit rarely, life becomes focused on your own family — your wife and kids. How different is that from being in the USA? Relatives do not keep in touch; everyone is self-centered. The death of a close relative now makes you wonder whether you should take a day off from work or not. Many times, the news isn’t even conveyed personally — the ambulance does the task. Weekends are spent watching social media reels, movies, some road trips and most of the times being lost in our own worlds. 

The world isn’t changing — it is deteriorating. Life here isn’t different in essence; even in your motherland, life carries its own weight of struggles.

And life in India is far from perfect. We deal with infrastructure issues, lack of civic sense, poor roads, deadly air pollution, and a sense that human life is often undervalued and risky. Yet even with all these problems, I still feel connected here in a way I couldn’t imagine leaving behind. Maybe moving abroad isn’t wrong, maybe staying here isn’t inferior. But for me, understanding why I chose the life I did — and not choosing something else — brought a kind of peace. 

I didn’t abandon opportunities; I chose meaning. I chose presence over absence, connection over distance, soil over separation. And when I look back now, I know that was never a regret — it was the right decision for me.