A Pee-er Review!

August 25, 2009 Pune, India - I was once, while I was attending the final rounds of an interview of a multinational organization, standing next to a few of my prospective colleagues in a restroom. Had I received the offer, who knows, some of them could be my new seniors, junior colleagues and last but not the least, one of them could be my immediate manager too. I agree that it was quite unnatural for me to keep staring and analyzing them at such a place. Unfortunately, I was very keen towards the gestures exhibited by a few of them. May be sometimes, my mind works in some awkward directions attempting to read some random personalities. Of course, I agree that a restroom is no good place to get to understand people or getting introduced to. Most of us keep on visiting restrooms, often during a working day most of the times, neglecting the people around us. But here, I was caught in a situation amidst the people with whom I was going to spend at least a few years of my life. It was just then when I thought of performing a pee-er review!

'Perfectionists' are the ones who are just and focused on the given task, in search of high standards in every feat they accomplish. Nothing could diverge them from their intentions to visit the place. They take care that not even a single drop is spilled outside the bowl. They come in straight and walk steadily towards the stall. And then, Just Go for it - Aim and Shoot. Washes his hands clean and leaves the room immediately.

A 'confused' pee-er saunters inside, wondering all the time what under the sun has made him feel visit a restroom. He takes a look around his fellow co-pee-ers and takes ample time to judge his bladdery movements. Realizes that it is worth taking a chance and stands in front of a stall. He feels disgusted when he realizes that there ain't anything to be waiting for. Quits.

The 'Curious' kind is much interested on how their neighbors do it. Try to peek from the wall and enjoys the way you do it. You might feel shy and would try to hide yourself from his uninvited stares. He would then try to steal back his stare to find someone over the other side. Do not always mistake them to be homosexuals, these are rather among the curious breed of Pee-ers. Rare enough! :)

The most boring kinds are the most 'punctual' ones. He realizes that it is the time for an afternoon pee-break, walks steadily in the restroom, looks at the minute hand of his wrist watch, notes it down in the mind. Unzips, pushes the boxer down with the left hand, and grabs the little man with the right - forces his bladder to finishes the task just in time. Not bothered much about the spillage. Wipes his hands and leaves.

A 'kiddish' pee-er takes almost half the time in unzipping his pants, sometimes brings it down halfway. After many efforts, he is successful and feels very happy about his accomplishment. He takes his own time to have a look around the side walls. Suddenly, he realizes that he missed the shot. Holds back his breath for a while and tries to concentrate. He loves the sound of the fluid getting accumulated in the pot. He keeps enjoying it until the time he realizes that he may finish soon. He then moves back and forth; left and right, making circles into the water and continues the game until he notices that he has victimized one of this shoes.

Desperate! Well, GO!! GO!! GO!! I believe that they do not fall under the reserved category. Basically, they can originate from any of the categories mentioned here. They have only one thing in their minds - to get rid of their pain. They are ready to reject heaven for the want of peeing. Nothing in the world is more relaxing.

Doubtlessly, my favorites are the 'creative' pee-ers. He looks for innovative ideas every time he visits the restroom. To discuss about all his ways would form a different story, hence let's not discuss it here. He finishes his task gracefully and looks up at the wall. He hates it clean. Takes out his ink and writes a beautiful slogan - the one he just thought of during his stint. The most intense ones among this breed are expert painters and cartoonists. They really make the place entertaining.

'Music Buffs' do not really need a description. Rather, their song describes them well. Essentially, they are not very good singers, but they enjoy humming, whistling and singing all the time unlike a 'moron' who takes off his fly, looks straight up at the ceiling, and pees on the neighbor’s foot. Ahh! That’s disgusting, my shoe!

I think, almost all of the personalities of the people could be read in a restroom. I would like to restrict my explanation to only these personalities lest my imagination would turn wilder, so much so that I would gain some second thoughts before I could post this article on my blog. But I would like to disclaim that personalities and work performances are two separate things and have no interconnections within. Further, I am still researching on the resemblance of a person's behavior in a restroom with his natural personality. So just keep this in mind the next time you meet me in the restroom - you are a subject of research.